I don’t understand why people don’t like me. L*** is my only friend…
I try so hard to figure it out… every day I go over and over it. I cry about it.
Every day…
I think about the friends I had back in the 1970’s with longing. They are all long gone from my life.
Every day…
I try to figure out where to look… where to turn for some kind of companionship. Where do people find friends? I have no idea. I thot I had friends when I was teaching, but when I left, I never heard from a single one of them. Not one email… nothing.
I wasted 15 years of my life in Seaside, OR. I came out of it worse than when I started. Teaching was the worst experience of my life. I wish I had never left Seattle.
Every day…
I realize it is no use trying. So I cry. It’s all I can do.
I don’t know what is wrong with me… though I am sure plenty of people would like to tell me.
I can’t have friends. Lori knows this. All I can do is sit here alone, pretending there is some value to the things I try to do. But accomplishment has no meaning, and nothing really matter anymore.
Every day…
It grinds me down… I don’t eat… I go to bed early and try to sleep till the next day… when I get to do it all again. It never changes. Each day I wait for dark so I can go to bed. the earlier the better.
Only my cats are my friends. They like me… they like being around me. They are all I have.
My opinions used to matter… people listened, and talked to me. I ruined all that. I do not understand how, but I have always ended up alone. I will die alone, and accomplish nothing. And I will not be missed.
So I WILL go softly into night… in my own Hell.
Note: you can all write to L*** now about this. She at least matters.
Ramblings of an Agoraphobe 
Making friends is difficult and maintaining them even more so. I tend to be introverted so what may be easy for those who are extroverted in engaging others and going out, isn’t something that comes naturally for me.
Please know your time teaching was not wasted. I was only one of your students and yet taking your classes sent my life in a different direction than I would have ever anticipated. I hated math. In grade school, I had to stay in at recess because I didn’t understand it and couldn’t solve equations fast enough. In high school that changed for me, all because of a teacher. I went on to get one of my degrees in math.
Beyond math, you taught me to work through the challenges. I no longer gave up or got frustrated if I didn’t understand something. Just prior to graduation I recall you telling me that you weren’t worried about whether I would succeed in college because I knew how to struggle and work through that.
You were also the one who gave my mom a glimmer of hope when I left after high school. While others were telling me where I had to go to college and upset with my choices, you assured my mom that it would be okay, and that I would go on to college after my year off. At that point, I honestly wasn’t sure if I would go to college. Yet you seemed certain of it.
And because I started enjoying math, I am able to create a better education for my kids. They don’t fear math, they work through it. Both kids are two grade levels ahead in math. And each day I go to work, where my job is almost entirely based on numbers and math.
Your time was not wasted. I am only one student whom your teaching impacted.
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Making friends is difficult and maintaining them even more so. I tend to be introverted so what may be easy for those who are extroverted in engaging others and going out, isn’t something that comes naturally for me.
Please know your time teaching was not wasted. I was only one of your students and yet taking your classes sent my life in a different direction than I would have ever anticipated. I hated math. In grade school, I had to stay in at recess because I didn’t understand it and couldn’t solve equations fast enough. In high school that changed for me, all because of a teacher. I went on to get one of my degrees in math.
Beyond math, you taught me to work through the challenges. I no longer gave up or got frustrated if I didn’t understand something. Just prior to graduation I recall you telling me that you weren’t worried about whether I would succeed in college because I knew how to struggle and work through that.
You were also the one who gave my mom a glimmer of hope when I left after high school. While others were telling me where I had to go to college and upset with my choices, you assured my mom that it would be okay, and that I would go on to college after my year off. At that point, I honestly wasn’t sure if I would go to college. Yet you seemed certain of it.
And because I started enjoying math, I am able to create a better education for my kids. They don’t fear math, they work through it. Both kids are two grade levels ahead in math. And each day I go to work, where my job is almost entirely based on numbers and math.
Your time was not wasted. I am only one student whom your teaching impacted.
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Thank you the kind words.
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