My main goal the last 4 days has been to sleep. Today I just lie there watching the clock… and waiting for it to get dark out. I have the same movie going over and over.
The roar of the bridges burning behind me is deafening, but also strangely comforting. Now I will not waste time hoping for something that can not happen. It will be easier to sleep, and fade away.
I know I say things I should not. But I also know there are a very great many things people should be saying to me. That is not going to happen. People don’t know what to say. Though I doubt any would try even it they did…
I try to reach out, but I can not keep my thoughts together. I end up lashing out instead. The world is such a lonely place. I understand that I have no place here, and people would rather I just shut up, and disappear. This becomes my only outlet. It’s easy for them to ignore me when all I do is write here.
Maybe I sound a little angry? I am. Angry at… stupid fricking little chemicals in my brain. It’s no-one’s fault. But my misery.
Sorry… a bit of ranting there.
Ramblings of an Agoraphobe 
I completely understand how you feel sweetie xx
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Ranting is fine, especially in your own blog, if you can’t express your anger and frustration in your own blog, where can you? Personally speaking, I’m not angry at my brain chemicals because the chemical imbalance theory of mental illness is a myth, its just not true, no science to back it up, just an advertising scam…. which worked extremely well. I was manipulated by it and took antidepressants for over 13 years, thinking I was being ‘cured’, instead I was slowly poisoning my whole body. Now I’m much worse off than when I started.
Grab a copy of “Anatomy of an Epidemic” by Robert Whitaker for your kindle if you want to know more.
Check out this: http://cepuk.org/2014/05/16/video-research-show-effects-long-term-use-psychiatric-drugs%E2%80%A8%E2%80%A8/
And ‘Simple Truths About Psychiatry” by Dr. Peter Breggin (on youtube)
Sorry, I had a semi-rant of my own in your blog comments. I will shut up now 🙂
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Oh dear…
The evidence for chemical imbalance is overwhelming. The meds have made a huge difference for me. There is always some pseudo-science that tries to create controversy. Like with climate change.
I am a scientist, and engineer. I read the literature. I have been at this several decades.
That book is by a Quack… he is just out to make a name for himself.
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I would suggest you are worse off because you are not on the right meds. As I am… they make my life a lot better, as I have Blogged. But they are only part of the solution. and I will never be cured, and I have never been told I would be.
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If being on medication works, and makes your life better, I’m not going to say stop taking the drugs, that would be ridiculous. But what I originally wrote is true, there is no scientific evidence to support the chemical imbalance theory of mental illness.
Psychiatry’s Grand Confession
Jonathan Leo, Ph.D. / Jeffrey Lacasse, Ph.D.
January 23, 2012
The psychiatric profession has finally come clean and confessed on a national media outlet that there is no evidence to support the Serotonin Theory of Depression. Today, on NPR’s Morning Edition there is a segment about the chemical imbalance theory, and virtually all the psychiatrists who are interviewed acknowledge that the there was never any evidence in support of the idea that low serotonin causes depression. But then, amazingly, they go on to say that it is perfectly fine to tell patients that serotonin imbalance causes depression even though they know this isn’t the case.
read the full article here:
http://www.madinamerica.com/2012/01/psychiatrys-grand-confession/
The Chemical Imbalance Myth
by Kas Thomas
May 8, 2013, 10:09 AM
Very few countries allow direct-to-consumer advertising by drug companies, but in those that do (New Zealand, Canada, and the U.S.), the medicine-buying public has been brainwashed to believe that mental illnesses, particularly those involving depression, are caused by a “chemical imbalance in the brain.” Hundreds of billions of dollars of Proxac, Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, and other popular antidepressants have been sold on the basis of their being able to restore normal serotonin levels to out-of-whack brain cells.
The trouble is, there’s no evidence that depression is caused by a serotonin imbalance. And there’s no simple blood or urine test that will tell you if neurotransmitter levels in your brain are out of whack.
full article here:
http://bigthink.com/devil-in-the-data/the-chemical-imbalance-myth
There is no scientific evidence which proves that Prozac corrects a chemical imbalance in the brain, you can look for it, but you wont find it…….. lots of people who believe it, but its just not true.
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