I am a fairly smart person.  But I am trapped in a brain that does not work well.  I am usually smart enough to hide the confusion, and despair from people around me – they don’t like to see that.  I make mistakes.  Bad ones.  Then I am left alone to try to work my way out of the Pit.

Why would anyone assume someone with serious mental problems, is always going to be logical, and reasonable?  I am not always either of those things.

I can say I am sorry… but it all still counts against me.  I get it.  People don’t really care why you do things… they are not going to attempt to delve more deeply into someone else’s problems.  So often, the most vulnerable people, are the ones most at risk of being labeled, and forgotten.  The ones who need the most…

I say I am sorry… and that totally dismisses any and all of my thoughts, concerns, or expressed needs.  I was crazy when I said those things.  So they are obviously wrong.  Nothing I say will ever get a fair hearing… I am crazy.  It is all forgotten until the next time.  I guess I am stupider than I thought.

Of course, this is all my fault.  I fight for myself, then have to u-turn and become passive.  I want people to understand, then turn around and push them away.

Yup… crazy…