I do not know what it feels like to be happy… or to even fully control my own thoughts.  I spend most of my waking hours just trying to keep my mind from flying apart.  I can’t even relax any more.  It is all lost.

And I do nothing.  I can not use the “free” time I have to accomplish anything.  I am lucky if I can even sleep…

I have tried everything I can think of, but my mental state continues to deteriorate.   This is not just because I do not have a psychologist anymore.  I can not even fit in in my own home.

My kitties need me… but that is my only reason for being.  I have no worth, and offer nothing to anyone.

And I do not know what to do.  My whole life has  come to nothing.