Well… I have the meds now, and I know what things will help me deal with anxiety – though I am not allowed to use them unless I am and will be home alone.  But the main problem is that I have absolutely no-one to talk to.  No friends or family that actually understands.

At home I am treated as if all I have to do is try a little harder.  If I do try to help myself, I will invariable fail.  Things that work, are not allowed because they offend.

I do not want to offend… I just want out of this Hell I live in.  Others can not imagine how hard I work every minute of every day.  I need breaks from it.  I need an escape.

I can not imaging starting over with a new psychologist.  I do not have the strength to do it.  Of course, that means I am not trying hard enough.  Magic is the only answer I see here.  Where is Herminie when you need her?

I am like a cat… I always land on my feet.  I will find a way thru this as well.  I just don’t know where it will come from.  Basically, I feel like I am stuck until some new medicine comes along.  It has happened.

My life has always… ALWAYS been about looking forward to some future when things would be better.  There is nothing in my life worth where I am… but there may be some bright day down the road.  So I will keep trying, and…… we’ll see.

Comment Received :: I am told by family and ex- friends to push myself more, do they not think i would if i could without later consequences. I know how i feel but they have no clue how much it takes to stick together every day (typos corrected)

I think all of us experience this.