Okay… there are many internal battles, but right now, they all seem to be melting together.  Everything is related.  And it means there really has to be one encompassing solution – probably not all at the same time.  But what I have been trying has not worked.

Now I am trying to find ways to start over… or more accurately, to find some way to keep going, but with some changes.  There is no point expending energy on things that can not help.  I need to be able to live alone, and keep to myself, while finding some kind of – if not happiness, at least non-unhappiness.

One thing that will help will be to avoid social media – it just engenders a false sense of optimism.  There are no answers for me there.  I have deeply set issues with no real-world solution.  I will have to create my own solutions.

And that will take forcing myself to avoid making the same mistakes.  Number 1 is the myth that I can find a pleasing place in the social media world.  I require a closer contact than that.  I need to know it matters.

Also I am rethinking these Blogs.  I love to write, but this writing does not generally make me feel any better.  I do not know who is reading – though I am sure few of my on-line friends do.  A few do, and I appreciate that.  But I seem to lose more friends than I gain.

And I am not going to go to session for a while.  I am not convinced it has been doing me any good.  I am better, but I do not know why.  And I think I need to be more self-reliant.  I need to just find my way on my own.