I have fallen to a point where I can barely see the light.  There is no day in my world… only the darkest night.  I try to scratch my way up, but I have nothing to stand on, and no-one who truly understands. 

I do not enjoy any part of my life.  There is no joy in Whoville.

I used to have more energy… I used to be able to push it all away enough to even teach.  Now I can barely get up in the morning – or afternoon or whenever I finally get up.  Life has worn me out.

And there is little else I can do.  Everything I try is 2 steps forward, and 5 steps back… I am worse off today than I was just a few months ago.  My anxiety is under better control, my depression is taking over again.  And I will not go thru that process again.

I am not sad… I long to be sad.  I feel only despair and hopelessness.