Tag Archives: worthless

Trying to Sleep thru the Fire

My main goal the last 4 days has been to sleep.  Today I just lie there watching the clock… and waiting for it to get dark out.  I have the same movie going over and over.

The roar of the bridges burning behind me is deafening, but also strangely comforting.  Now I will not waste time hoping for something that can not happen.  It will be easier to sleep, and fade away.

I know I say things I should not.  But I also know there are a very great many things people should be saying to me.  That is not going to happen.  People don’t know what to say.  Though I doubt any would try even it they did…

I try to reach out, but I can not keep my thoughts together.  I end up lashing out instead.  The world is such a lonely place.  I understand that I have no place here, and people would rather I just shut up, and disappear.  This becomes my only outlet.  It’s easy for them to ignore me when all I do is write here.

Maybe I sound a little angry?  I am.  Angry at… stupid fricking little chemicals in my brain.  It’s no-one’s fault.  But my misery.

Sorry… a bit of ranting there.

The View Can Be Nice From Here

The sun might be out at times.  And there are some nice plants growing on the walls.  The echo sounds good if you sing to yourself… or you can pretend it is someone else talking.  And lightening would not make it down the hole to the bottom.

Even in the Pit, there are good things to think about.

I spend a lot of my day doing just this… trying to find the good parts of the world.  And my ideas can be pretty much of a stretch, but it is often all I have.  Like right now.  The one about the plants really did make me feel better.

It’s all I can do to hold on.