In early April, 1945, all my dad and other US troops had was chicken soup with very few noodles, in tin cups. But they helped these survivors of Ohrdruf, and Buchenwald drink as much as they could. These dying human beings said “Thank you” in English. Some had learned to say it just for this moment… almost all would be dead in hours… and they were Thankful! Think about that this Thanksgiving Day.
Tag Archives: thanksgiving
I Failed Thanksgiving
I suppose I really did not really fail. But I can’t help feeling like I did. I was unable to attend. In my own home. Actually I was there for a while. But when my anxiety shot up, it was all over.
The sad part is that I am the Turkey Roaster. I do it every year. And it really is good. But we had an unusually large turkey, and when I figured how long it would take in the over, it was too long. So I changed my cooking plan . The right temperature, at the right time.
Anyway… so I missed out of my own Thanksgiving dinner.
It got worse after everyone left. I am not sure why, but I think some of my barriers dropped down even more. I started feeling more. And it wasn’t fun.
My ability to keep going, and deal with the anxiety ran out. Sound familiar?
Thanks to help from Lori, I have got much better at not thinking it is a failure. I did the best I could. It still doesn’t work totally, but my recovery a lot better than it used to be. Work on one thing at a time. And think small. Anxiety often starts with the smallest thing… so start with how you react to that one thing.
That is an approach my last psychologist and I worked up for me. One little thing at a time… and the smaller the better actually. As I gain confidence, I have come to learn that this “failure” was just part of how I have to interact with the world. So it does not feel as bad.
I still have limits… kinda low ones too. But I try.
I cannot push myself like I used to. It’s ok. Perhaps I simply don’t want to. Either way, my life has become easier emotionally. I have come to accept where I am. At least for now. None of this means I plan to, or expect to stay here. But before I can go somewhere, I have to know where I am. And it helps if I can be at least satisfied with where I am.
Notice: I did not say ‘my limitations’. So I am learning what to expect of myself.
Thanksgiving… and Such
Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was fun, but a bit subdued. One person was elsewhere, and one important person was ill. But everyone will be fine. The food and company were great.
Needless to say, after everyone was gone, I crashed out. I felt drained, and was in despair. I felt horrible as the last bit energy drained away – it has been a stressful week.
I have been stretched thin by events, as have others. And now I wish to relax, and try to rebuild some enthusiasm.
I have not written for a while because family events have taken my attention, and thoughts. But all is well, or moving in that direction.
I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving…
Follow-up For Those in Pain
I am here… I am retired, and spend almost all my time at home. If you are struggling, and need someone to just listen, or read what you have to say, I am here… 24/7.
Seriously, I have been thru the holiday season in just about every mental state – from completely crashed out, to having a fairly good time. And I can listen.
Thanksgiving and Other Holidays
This time of years brings many extra stresses for me, and a lot of people like me. It should be more fun than it is. But there are a whole slew of added anxieties over the next month and a half for those of us with anxiety, and depressive disorders.
Today I am already feeling close to crashing out about the whole thing. There are many things I have to get done, on top of the regular holiday stresses. And I am not holding up very well even at this early point.
If it were up to me, things would be different – don’t ask me how. I can not escape the anxiety, and there will be depressive periods as well. There are things I still need to do to get ready… let alone to get myself ready! I am not looking forward to much of it.
There are people worse off – many are alone, and trying to go thru all these issues on their own. They can look out at the world, and feel completely isolated. It can feel as if there is nothing in all this celebration for them. I have often been there myself… and still am at times.
I do have some support thru this time, but it will still test my brain, and my endurance. It will be fun, but that does not diminish the anxiety, or take away the depressive periods even for me. There will be stress for everyone, so I will be a little more on my own than usual… I will make it thru.
Please be kind, and try to be understanding of people you know who may have extra struggles this time of year. It’s not that we hate it, or want it to go away. But there will be more times when we are just trying to get by. Have patience, and remember we just want to have fun too.
Ramblings of an Agoraphobe 