I taught in Seaside, OR for 15 years.  It was in many ways the height of my life.  I fulfilled my obligation to give back to society more than I got from it.  But I had virtually no social life during that time.  I went out with other teachers on my own, only 5 times during those years – twice with administrators.  I think I went to one Christmas party.

I did go to many of the year-end parties… but that was a time when I was letting go of myself, and many of my normal defenses were down.  It was fun though!  I even went with Lori once!  But that was not really me.

All I did was teach.  I had not had a real social life since 1977.  And that was all I could do… teach.  It was all my fault of course… no-one pushed me in any direction… it was just me.  There are many things I could have done to make my life better.  But I did not.

There are some people from all these years that I feel closer to.  Most don’t know it.  There are people I miss… they don’t know that either.  I missed out on some great opportunities to develop very close, lasting friendships.  It could have left me much better off than I am now.  I probably would have taught for 2-3 more years if I had had that support while I was there.

But I did not do anything to make that happen… so it didn’t.  I am not complaining.  I know it is all my own fault, and my own responsibility.  All I can do now is try to make as much of my current life as I can.

I have one close friend… from my archery days.  (I am not counting family members, and I have found a sister there)  And he has always been there for me… even when we didn’t talk for years.  I wish he lived closer – he knows that.  But he is in Seattle.  We have been friends since 1976 – that’s a long time.  We have been through a lot together really.

Anyway… this rambling Blog has gone on too long – I try to keep them short.  These are just a few more of the things I have to think about.  And as an agoraphobe, I have a LOT of time to think.