Tag Archives: social issues

A Test in Reality

I understand the process that makes my brain go in such interesting directions. But I can not predict it… I can not see it happening… I can not even see it in hind sight. If you think you saw a green car, no amount of inner thought can change it. Only further examination could determine it was actually blue. Only when it is pointed out to me, can I see there was perhaps a mistake.

I say “perhaps” because it will always seem to me as if I did the correct thing the first time. Intellectually, I see that it was indeed in error. There is no dissonance here because there seems to be no connection between the two. I know how I felt, and I know what probably happened… they feel like two entirely different events. So I can live with both perceptions.

Perception is not reality.

Knowing all this is nice, but doesn’t do anything to help. Since I know I can not always trust my reactions and I will still react as I do, I am left walking a mine field. And the mines are very interesting, because I don’t even notice the explosion. Everyone else will probably think the booming blast, and shrapnel are pretty obvious… while I think all is as it should be.

Any time I try to be social, I start setting off mines… walking along not noticing anything wrong, I don’t see the rubble building up behind me. By the time I put the pieces together, the damage is long since past. There is nothing to be done for it.

So I have no social life. And I get extremely anxious when I have to be around people… especially people I do not know. And since my brain does not work properly, do I really know anyone???

Election Night Anxiety

(Nov. 6, 2012)  Yup… my anxiety is up as the results start to come in.  This happens every 4 year to my brain.  I had a session scheduled for tomorrow morning, and just like 4 years ago, I had to move it.  I should have realized when I made it, that I will be up too late.

Today, I am feeling more relaxed.  I know the right-wing hysteria will continue, and I will have to keep trying to avoid it.  I just can not handle their views.  There is no logic to them, and they have a hard time with the truth.  But that is a topic for my other Blog.

There was a time in my life when I was happy to argue about politics… that time is long gone.  Now it raises my anxiety so much, so fast, I crash out.  I have even unfriended a few people on Facebook because of it.  I don’t want to argue.

I have learned to fight where I need to, and back off when I can.  But  I can not handle argument much anymore.  I worry about the future of the world as well as our country, and it matters to me how we move forward.  It matters a lot.

The greater the importance of the issue, the greater the potential anxiety in dealing with people who don’t get it.  I can not, and will not deal with those people.  Some people will not learn… I can not stop that.

So now that the election is over, I can relax a bit.  I do not need to worry so much about getting into an argument about politics.  There will be less to avoid.  I am happier today.