Tag Archives: respect

Respect

Command respect, don’t Demand respect.

I believe, when I was a teacher, I earned the respect of students. I tried to treat them like adult human beings – when possible. I tried to always hear their thoughts.

That respect is a very nice memory.

Respect faded away as my mental state changed. And I don’t blame anyone for it. I am confident, I would be at least incline to do the same thing… if not for the fact that I know what it is like to feel my mind slipping away. I am on this side now. Some of you know what I mean. Some of you have learned to understand it… even predict it better than I. But there are few of them.

Also… some of you know what I mean because you live it too. No matter how you are different, the result is almost always the same – you are going to end up in a very small circle. More on that later.

The problem I have on Facebook is that I do not have any friends outside FB. Most people have a foundation of friends who will share Facebook with then on that basis… friends. You can not start with FB. You have no support base to make sure you have some good threads going.

What’s that like? Actually I know. When I was first on FB, I had that basis of friends as well.

That was 5 plus years ago. It may not seem like a long time, but it has been a tough 5 years. There were a few times I actually got within days of meeting someone for beers… in each case those people will not even respond to a friend request. My brain does not always process information in the correct way.

The first step of talking about your own mental issues, is getting others to even see it is real. It is not just a behavior flaw. It is not an obsession. It is a mental process flaw. I use the word “flaw” reluctantly. Who is really to say to whom the flaw belongs? Cats can not taste sweet. Is that a flaw?? There are clearly advantages to it.

But alas, I digress…

How do I find Real-World friends without any social contact except FB? No wonder it does not work for me. I need to build respect, but I can not even stay around long enough to make any difference.

Life does not care…

Life does not care why we do things.  It only cares what we do.  Life will lead us along a path, and the decisions we make about what we do, will determine the choices we have farther along that path.  All we can do is try to make the best decisions we can along the way and hope they create the best choices of paths before us.

It’s different when we deal with other people.  That is all about showing respect.  If you do not respect the person you are talking with, then what they say is of little value.  You can dismiss it within your own mind.  It does not matter why you don’t respect them.  The very fact destroys any chance of meaningful understanding.

And if you do respect someone… then there is no issue with it.  You will respect them no matter what.  Respect is earned… and once earned, it does not go away.  If you lose someone’s respect, there is nothing you can do to regain it.  It is lost for you forever… at least as far as you are concerned.  Only the other people can make the decision to restore it.  And that usually never comes.

If you respect someone, then you have to try to look for reasons to not respect them in any given circumstances.  You would have to actually make an effort to not respect them.  If you have to make a big effort at it, then the respect was not there to begin with.

When I lose someone’s respect… I suffer.  There is not a lot I can do to recover it.  And because of who I am, it can have a cascading affect thru all aspects of my life.  I pull back from everyone.  I stop trusting as I have been not trusted.  I recamp within myself, and hide even more.

I over-react.  But that is part of my mental state.  Anxieties create over-reaction.  And everyone close to me knows that, and can handle it.  Or not if they chose.

I don’t know if I am “crazy”… but I know some people think I am.  And I know some people think I am sometimes.  Those are not true friends… they are not people I can try to be close to.

Note: To be clear, I can not expend energy trying to get close to people who think I am crazy.  It’s my issue.