Tag Archives: relax

Yesterday Was Really Bad

Yesterday was one of the most difficult days I have had recently.  From the moment I got up, I struggled to stay going.  I was constantly pushing myself, and working at stopping upcoming crashes.  It was never a sure thing.

But thru it all… I held on.  I commented on my social media, and even got a few things done around here.  I was able to go on well enough that I am pretty sure no-one noticed.  I help up.  I even ate.

Days like that happen.  Usually there are breaks during the day, but this was just one of those days where nothing helped.

This is something I have got slowly better at.  I can struggle longer, and harder, and still make it thru.  It is one more small step forward.  I don’t think it will make any difference today… but these things add up.  I have to play the long game.

I just kept telling my brain to stop trying to crash me out, and relax, and go along one more time.  I pushed very hard.  One thing that has made a big difference, has been getting my office more user-friendly.  It makes it easier to relax.  If I can not control the flood of thoughts in my brain, then I can not stand up long.  Having my space, where I am comfortable, and I do not have chores to do, helps.

That’s good.  My paint-room is still lagging… but I do not need to spend time there, so I can ignore it… for now.  Things build up in my mind so quickly, I can not control the flow of thoughts.  So being where I am now, helps me slow down the input some.

Now I have today…

Dawn is a Feeling…

If you do not recognize the phrase, I recommend you check this out –  Click Here.

Last night I went outside and built a fire.  I spent a few hours listening to the Moody Blues… watching the stars and the fire… and not doing much else.  Or even thinking about much else.

Sometimes I forget the power of music to transform, and shape our thoughts.  This music has purpose, and deep meaning.  The words carry a message of great value.

It is a message each person must find for themselves.  So I will not even try to relay it here.

We all find powerful words that lead us to a better state of mind.  Music can refresh lost thoughts and feelings.  It can inspire greater good.  It can make us feel our inner spirituality more easily.  And that is something we need to do more often.

I was able to clear away some of the clutter in my thoughts, and remember what is truly important.

It was a wonderful evening!!!!

Session – Oct. 24, 2012

I had session today – the first in three weeks!  I have been trying to go more than that over the last few months, but I was not too bad off before this session.

Mostly we talked about where I am with my meds, and how to handle my increased anxiety and OC behavior.  Since I am on new meds, I am waiting a few more weeks to let things settle in before deciding on taking more.  So far I think I will need it…

So I am having to go back, and relearn some of the relaxation techniques I learned 6-7 years ago.  I got out of the habit of working on those so much.  And now I am back at it.

I am now having more anxiety before I go out – anticipatory anxiety.  And it can be a real problem!  Sometimes I feel like I can’t even get out the door.  And planning can be a challenge.  I have to be careful to not push myself too much, or I will completely fall apart and not be able to go at all.

Once I do get out the door, my anxiety moves over to the normal phobia type… I have to deal with the real fear of actually being out in the world.  It gets worse or better depending on where I am going, and what I will do there.  Familiar places are not too bad – unless they are like the dentist etc. 

Currently, I am having significantly higher anxiety of both types.  It is harder to think about going out; to get ready to go out; and to actually get out the door.  And while I am out, the anxiety is worse than it has been in years.  I have generally been able to fight thru it because I have learned that it will pass, and I know I will get thru it.  That is not enough, but it helps…

So I come home more drained, and feeling flatter.  It takes a lot longer to recover.

Now I am working on resurrecting some of the techniques I learned years ago when my anxiety was uncontrolled.  Mostly I am trying to take deep breaths and relax my brain – that does involve needing to be somewhat alone, but it helps.  And I am paying more attention to planning simpler trip.

All in all, it works… but I need session to rehearse some of these relaxation methods.  And I will be bringing back more home tricks I used in the past – that will leave me more energy for going out.

It’s going to take some time… but it will work!