Tag Archives: pit

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Blogs, After this…

The last few weeks I have been in a fairly steady decline.  I am not sure where it is coming from, but right now it threatens to affect things I have been looking forward to over the next few weeks. 

There has been a difficult combination of long periods of higher than normal anxiety, and short but intensive depressive episodes.  I have not been able to work my way out of it.  This is at least day 4, and that is longer than I normally have to deal with.

I have not been able to get going on anything… I am not even enjoying the Olympics.  I was awake most of last night, fighting these feelings.  This is my Pit.  At times like this, I have to wonder if it is all worth while.  Fortunately, there are few times like this.

Suffice it to say I am frozen, and unable to much at all.

The Devil and Me

I was watching a show that featured the concept of how the devil can make us weak if we face him.  He would make us remember, relive, and suffer the anguish of the horrible things we have done, or been thru in our lives.  And the horrific failures we have experienced.

My response to that would be: Get in line.  That is what I experience every day.  I relive all my failures, and all the horrible memories every day.  Actually… not all of them every day.  There are to many.  But I do fill much of my time reliving all the terrible things I have done and been thru.

This is where my nightmares come from.  I dream veiled attempts so relive all those failures I had.  I can not stop from thinking about them.  That’s how my brain works.  I can not stop myself from thinking too much about anything.  Just ask Lori… I think everything to death.

I guess I am looking for some kind of truth.  At least that’s what I like to think it’s all about.  My brain goes faster than I can comprehend it all.  The thought can take me into a place where I have no control over what I think about!  And I descend into the Pit sometimes.

I become a passenger to my own brain.

What more could the devil do?

The Pit…

Almost everyone who reads this will try to understand it, and most will think they have done that.

But they do not.  And there is a very simple reason for that – they have not been there.  If you have not been in the Pit, then they can not fully understand.  That does not mean they can not help.  They just don’t get it.

Everyone who has been there knows what the Pit is.  There are other names for it… but they all mean the same thing.

It is a deep dark place, that holds no hope, no potential, no future, no chance of help, no-one to share, it is a place of total isolation.  There is a vacuum of emotion, and a lose of how one could feel.  It is nothingness personified.

I am talking about the depths of where the human mind can drop… not morally… not spiritually… not even intellectually… but it is just a Pit… with no way out, except time.  We wait for time to rescue us.