I have always been this crazy. I have just grown tired of fighting it. So… how would I start getting better? I could find new ways of fighting it. Or, find ways to live with it.

I am fine with working to live with it. But only one other person is willing to. I actually hope I am wrong about that, but it is what I believe, and what I feel.

There have been so many years. I was in the 2^nd grade when I had my first panic attack. I remember it with disturbing clarity. Mom remembered it too. It had a permanent effect on me, and what I would be able to do, to this day.

From that day to this, I remember all the feelings. As I write this, and am trying to make some decisions, and visions of that day run thru my mind. This happens often… and there are other memories. Endlessly many.

It pushes me to stop. It makes every effort to do anything a fight with my mind.

Memories can truly haunt.

And that is where I am today.

OMG!

I just realized that was what my psychologist was so good at. She was able to get my mind to put aside those memories, and see more clearly. It helped.