I Lived Hiding – Why I Write So Much

By that first part of the title, I mean, my life was hidden by a curtain I had learned to live behind from an early age.  I messed up one time I remember, in the second grade, and it still haunts me.  My existence depended on being able to act normal.  I knew I was not normal, but I thought it was because I was weak.  So the curtain came down, and got thicker.

As a teacher, a lot of what I was could come thru.  It helped me relate to students, and to see when to push, and when to let off.  But there was still a curtain between the observable me, and the real me.

So much hiding is what has lead me now, to so much NOT hiding.  Now I blast my thoughts and feelings out over the Internet.  This is the real me.  I have little to hide about what goes on in my brain.  I don’t care what people know about me… to a point.  And there are people reading what I write, and learning about the inside me.  I am out there folks… this is me.  If you doubt it, go away.

Don’t get me wrong… there is still a curtain… but it grows thinner with age.  And mostly remains about protecting the privacy of others.  That part of the curtain will always be there.

NOTE: I say “curtain” and not “wall”, because curtains move and shift with the breeze.  And that’s what happens in real life.