Daily Archives: September 5, 2017

Scale Plastic Modeling

I build highly detailed scale models.

Below in the cockpit interior of a Hawker Harrier. not finished.

It requires the commitment of time. You can’t just pick it up and put it down. You are working with paints, glues, and resins that have time limits. Usually I have to know I can commit at least a half hour. And most of the time, I don’t feel up to it. But I still tinker away at times.

There are modeling clubs… but there are some issues. The closest one is almost about an hour away. I really struggle with new people, especially if I am on my own. Most modelers in clubs are conservative. I get along fine with conservatives, even though I am pretty liberal. But that is not a place to look for outside friends. And the conversations drift into areas I want to avoid – politics. I have tried, though it was years ago.

I know fully well I may be wrong about everything I think about people. And I have grown to not trust my decision making with regards to people. I think I do the wrong thing too often.

Who Am I?

I live in a nice city in the Willamette Valley of Oregon. I am about 40 miles south of Portland. We love this city – a majority of the population are Hispanic or Russian. People are friendly, and easy to get along with.

I have agoraphobia… somewhere on the spectrum. I can go places I know if I need to. Some things are easier than other. But basically I just go to a few stores, and shops. Plus doctors.

There are hobbies, but individual things I “work” on at home. Photography, and building things. I have a metal and wood shop, plus a work area in my office. I don’t work on things much… anxiety is difficult to deal with. And I get depressed often. Meds help a lot. They reduce my anxiety to a manageable level, and greatly shorten my depressive episodes.

Forty years ago, I was a Nationally known archer… I coached the U of Washington team to a National Championship. I had lots of friends, and traveled all over. Then my life started to fall apart. A year later, I dropped out of college and worked for a few years before going back to finish my degree, and then get my teaching certificate. I taught at Seaside High School for 15 years – all levels of math, but mostly Calculus, and Trigonometry. I also taught Physics every year…

Due to shoulder injuries I had to stop even trying archery back in about 1988. But I had already stopped competitive shooting – 1978. The year it all fell apart.

I was a popular teacher, teaching the hardest two classes at Seaside. 20% of seniors took Physics, and/or Calculus… mostly both. Calculus had 15-18 hours homework per week. And they did it.

We were married while I was still teaching… no-one from the school came. No friends at all came.

Eventually I burned out from teaching, and retired. I moved out of Seaside, and never heard from anyone there again. I have only received a few messages ever, and they were in response. But I have not seen anyone I worked with since then.

We moved again after a year, and are now back in Oregon.

I lost all my friends along the way. I am estranged from what little family I have. My hobbies don’t get me out much, and I am not good in groups anymore anyway. So I don’t get out. Even if I could, where would I go, and how would I deal with people?

Mostly… I just have no family or friends. And I am afraid to trust anyone anyway. Why try?