Monthly Archives: March 2017

Going Private

This Blog is going PRIVATE.

I have been harassed by someone following my every post, everywhere I go on the Internet.

If you wish to continue to have access, Please request to view my Private Site.  I will need to know something about who you are… or more precisely… who you are not.

Going Private at 4pm PST

I Screw Up Everything

I can not do anything right. I sit all day trying to keep going. But why? It just means more and more of the same. I will never be happy. I keep trying things to get myself going, but the basic problem is that I just don’t care. Nothing matters. Many things get started, but nothing is ever finished.

I have been a complete failure all my life… just ask my sibling. I have been a constant failure.

When my wife asked my sibling if there was anything I was good at… the response was that I was “sometimes” a good teacher.  That is all.  I have heard it all my life…

Writing Used to be Easy…

If you look back thru my Blogs… keep going. Once you get back a couple of years, there is some good stuff.

Self-Motivation is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s all I can do, to keep myself going during the day. I can not fight all the doubts and fears at the same time. There is a point where I suddenly hit the wall. Suddenly, I can’t go on… time for bed. I hate it when that happens. I am helpless to stop it. I can’t even read in bed… the day is done.

Sometimes I last all day! Sometimes my mind crashes out after 8 or 9 hours. I hate it. But I have to go along. Fighting it just delays the inevitable, and is miserable time anyway. So I try to sleep… or half-sleep.

Finding the right thing to watch, or listen to is critical. Couple hours of TV… a few hours of music… and back. But either can bring on a crash, if I can not decide what the right thing is. It has to have to correct feel… it has to bring up the correct emotions, and feels. As previously noted, my brain has an issue with the flow of emotions. I can’t not feel things. So it is important for me to have the correct environment.

It can take me hours to find just the right thing… or I crash out. Those are the options.

My surrounds can make or break my day… week. I watch things I have seen, and listen to music I have listened to for 40 years. It is difficult to watch something new. There are far too many unknowns. That can make it difficult for Lori and I to agree on what to watch. Marx Brothers? And it does not matter how repetitious it is… I only half pay attention anyway. It is all about the emotional atmosphere it creates.

Writing has not fit in very well to all this.