This is particularly strange since I grew up around cats and dogs. But I do not trust dogs. I can not predict how they will behave. Cats, I get. They are quite predictable actually. That is probably because they don’t care how I feel about their behavior. Until I shout!

But… why did I become afraid of them? I am seriously disturbed by dogs… especially if they are free. For a while, I even sometimes carried a pistol to protect myself from dogs. The gun is basically useless against humans, except as a noise maker. But with a dog, I don’t have to wait for it to get too close if it charges.

THAT is how far this phobia advanced. I no longer carry the gun… and yes, I did have a carry permit.

Back to the issue at hand…

Where did this fear come from??

I used to free-climb cliffs in the Olympic National Park… now I am deathly afraid of heights. Where did I get that? It does not make sense to me. But I can NOT walk across a bridge, unless I would be ok if I fell off it. The Deception Pass bridge in Washington is a great example. I had to sit down half way across, and lock my arms around the railing. I can not even watch a TV shot that looks down.

Thinking and writing about it now is greatly increasing my anxiety. Why??

These are things I grew up with! Now I can barely walk down the street.

I used to drive all over the Northwest, and parts of British Columbia, by myself. I slept in the back of my 1967 Datsun PL 411. Beige. I bought it from my Mom. Today… traveling is very problematic. I panic out at the last minute too often – once is too often.

What the Hell???

So much deterioration. Especially over the last five years or so, my abilities have diminished. I like what I can do, but I do wonder what I am missing.

Overall, I am fine with where my life is, and I just want to get better at doing these things. Maybe I will get back to where I was.