I do have “a” mental illness…. I am a BDDA – Brain Dysfunction Disordered American.

And I think coming up with that acronym is further evidence of my point. 

As I have aged, I have less energy, and inclination to fight it.  It is easier to go along with the flow of my brain, even though others are put off by it.  I am pretty difficult to deal with.  I think if you dig into it, you would find me worth the effort… but that is not enough.

I have found things that are of great help, and those I will keep doing.  I have done a lot to build my home environment  into what relaxes me most.  I have found a nice little place I can go to get away… and pretty much just read on and on… usually 16-18 hours a day.  Things here are getting better across the board.

I have given up on friendships outside my Home.  I go back to social media, but it will never feel it is as much my place as I had thought it was.  It just takes too much effort to hold things together, and then my mind falls apart just a little, and I have a falling out with the world.  So I am building here at home.

But I am proud to say I am still here… and my home life has never been better than it is right now (though the words after “better” are a bit superfluous).  So I am trying to enjoy this, and build on it.  My mind was never designed to get along with people… at least “normal” people.  I call it CBD – Chaos of the Brain Disorder.  Not going away anytime soon. NOT contagious.

So I keep going, and trying to maintain control.  I try to stay more to myself – yes… even more. 

I do have to thank 2 on-line friends who did reach out, and chat with me.

title from Paul Simon sort of…