Daily Archives: May 27, 2014

Trying to Sleep thru the Fire

My main goal the last 4 days has been to sleep.  Today I just lie there watching the clock… and waiting for it to get dark out.  I have the same movie going over and over.

The roar of the bridges burning behind me is deafening, but also strangely comforting.  Now I will not waste time hoping for something that can not happen.  It will be easier to sleep, and fade away.

I know I say things I should not.  But I also know there are a very great many things people should be saying to me.  That is not going to happen.  People don’t know what to say.  Though I doubt any would try even it they did…

I try to reach out, but I can not keep my thoughts together.  I end up lashing out instead.  The world is such a lonely place.  I understand that I have no place here, and people would rather I just shut up, and disappear.  This becomes my only outlet.  It’s easy for them to ignore me when all I do is write here.

Maybe I sound a little angry?  I am.  Angry at… stupid fricking little chemicals in my brain.  It’s no-one’s fault.  But my misery.

Sorry… a bit of ranting there.

Cut Your Losses and Run for Cover

That is what I do.  When I start to see things going wrong, it’s time to give up, back down, and walk away.  It is better than getting beat up too often.

If you don’t want anything, then you can never be disappointed.  I try to not want anything.  It does not really work, so I end up hurt anyway.  But when I can no longer stand up for myself, discretion triumphs.  It also has the benefit of letting everyone else off the hook…  And let’s face it, things never work out anyway.