We all try things from time to time, where we later think, “What the Hell was I thinking?”  I do that a lot.  And then I wonder why I keep trying.

But I do keep trying. 

The biggest problem I have, is that I usually can’t figure out what was wrong with my thinking!  When it comes to issues involving other people, I do not understand what to think.  I seem to be wrong about how people will react, and what they will think, virtually always.  I get it wrong.

This, above all else, has pushed my into seclusion.  Of course… there are the anxieties, phobias, and depressive episodes as well… so it is hard to say what has caused the most problems.  I just don’t have the energy to keep pushing anymore.

So I carefully plan out my efforts.  The slightest things going wrong can force to to quit.  I crash out and retreat into myself, and my home.  I can not predict how things will go, no matter how careful I am.

There are times when I want to completely give up.  That does not work either.  I must have some contact.  So I keep trying.