These are some short notes I wrote while in Newport, Oregon this week…

Here I am – 100 miles from home… by myself.  I have never gone on a trip by myself, to be by myself in my entire life.  Right now I am wondering about whether I have done the right thing!  My anxiety is way up, and I have a great desire to go home.

I do like it here – it is quiet, and there are nice places to eat and shop.  But mainly I am here because of the wonderful Ocean View reading room on the 3^rd floor.  I am in the Jules Verne room of the hotel – there is a squid tentacle across the ceiling… it is a little intimidating!  I have some fresh 3-cheese sourdough bread, and wine, so I am not starving.

But the big thing is that I am here!

It is my hope for this to become a place for me to go and get away – what do I have to get away from?  A fair question.  It is not as if I have a complicated life that needs a lot of relaxation.  Actually… it is exactly like I have a complicated life, and need a lot of relaxation.  I need to get away. We have been coming here for a couple of years, so I already feel comfortable here, but this is a bit more of a test.

I have already had several episodes of wanting to run away.  It hurts.  I have put a lot of time and effort into being able to come here.  I can not give up so easily.

Day2

Well… I have actually been here less than a day.  But it is my full day here.  I had a nice breakfast, and then went out to get the things I forgot – toothpaste et.al.  I am back on the 3^rd floor in the ocean view reading room.  Much of my day will be here – I do not feel like going out.

Last night was very difficult.  After dinner at Nana’s Pub, I came back to read.  As the evening went on, my anxieties grew.  I had to fight a huge desire to go home.  It took a long time to get to sleep… though I did sleep well once I fell off.

I have been preparing my thoughts for this rip for over a month.  I know this place well enough to have figured out exactly what I would do each day – almost each hour.  That keeps me going.  All I have to decide is what to eat.  And I studied the menu of the one place I am going, so I know what to expect.  This is a place for reading, and my Kindle is full.  And I have music and movies on my tablet.  So I planned carefully to the last detail.

I could not have even thought of doing this f I did not know, and like this place so much.  I have had this concept in the back of my thoughts for over a year.  I was very careful.

Yesterday when I arrived, I was ready for everything to go wrong.  I was worried, and upset.  But so far, everything has been just as planned – except locking my keys in the car.  But then, that is why I had a spare key in my pocket.  I was very careful in my planning.  I only forgot to bring my snacks… so I bought some here.  No problem.