I do not react to many things in a “normal” way.  Many would say I over-react.  I am not seeing it that way.  To me, my reactions are completely normal.  But then… I am crazy.

I am just normal enough to pass… most of the time.  I do not notice when I slip out of the normal range, and other people take notice.  They were not paying attention to the little weird things I do… they was “Oh that is just Neil”.  So they see me as being unpredictable.

I don’t feel unpredictable.  My actions seem completely normal, and predicable to me.  So I tend to be caught off-guard by people’s reactions.  Didn’t they see that coming??

When you perceive the world in a different way, it is very difficult to know what should be the correct response.  To me, it all fits together.

So when I do react in a crazy way, I am totally surprised by what people do – that was not predicable to me at all.  Then I get thrown completely off, and it can lead to even more unusual behavior on my part.  I am not sure if anyone really gets this.  They expect me to be crazy, but they do not see, or understand, the depth of it.

This has lead to more isolation.  People don’t know how to react to me, and I do not understand their lack of reaction.  I end up alone.  That is the nature of the things…

I can not change how I react because it seems totally normal to me.  How can I know to not do something, when it seems the most normal reaction to the situation?  It never occurs to me that I should do anything else.  And it is hard to learn from events when I feel like I have been wronged.