It is a difficult thing to write this Blog.  I have recently been thinking about changing my last name to Kahl.  I do already get some things addressed to me as Neil Kahl.  And when wine arrives, I even sign Neil Kahl – that is to match Lori’s name because she ordered it.

The logistics are messy, but not difficult.

But why would I even consider this?

That is one of the most difficult answers I have ever thought about.  Do I have a family anymore?  Is it time for me to move on, and start in a new place, with a new name?  Does it even have to be Kahl?

I have been estranged from my “family” for more than a decade.  I was not able to go to my nephew’s weddings., or to even meet my grand-niece.

The reasons for this, go to the core of my existence.  It is part of why I am where I am.  If this one thing had not been there, I do not know how far I could have gone.  It combined with my internal mental issues, took over my life.  If either had not been there, my life would have been very different.

I was born too early for the new meds.  So that would have been hard to change.  Tranquilizers would not have been enough.  I tried an antidepressant in 1983, and it was terrible!!  I had a racing heart-rate, and could not eat.  So it would have not made a big of a difference it I had been diagnosed earl.

Combine that with other “factors”, and my life became a constant struggle to keep going.  I can’t do it anymore.

So… this issue is central to this entire subject.

It will be very difficult to write about.  But I will.  I will not hide who I am.  So you guys out there will get to see deeply into my life.  I hope you enjoy the ride.

NOTE::  I am thinking “Macdonald” might be a good name.  I have ancestors that were Macdonald’s.  The lower case is intended.