It is a difficult thing to write this Blog. I have recently been thinking about changing my last name to Kahl. I do already get some things addressed to me as Neil Kahl. And when wine arrives, I even sign Neil Kahl – that is to match Lori’s name because she ordered it.
The logistics are messy, but not difficult.
But why would I even consider this?
That is one of the most difficult answers I have ever thought about. Do I have a family anymore? Is it time for me to move on, and start in a new place, with a new name? Does it even have to be Kahl?
I have been estranged from my “family” for more than a decade. I was not able to go to my nephew’s weddings., or to even meet my grand-niece.
The reasons for this, go to the core of my existence. It is part of why I am where I am. If this one thing had not been there, I do not know how far I could have gone. It combined with my internal mental issues, took over my life. If either had not been there, my life would have been very different.
I was born too early for the new meds. So that would have been hard to change. Tranquilizers would not have been enough. I tried an antidepressant in 1983, and it was terrible!! I had a racing heart-rate, and could not eat. So it would have not made a big of a difference it I had been diagnosed earl.
Combine that with other “factors”, and my life became a constant struggle to keep going. I can’t do it anymore.
So… this issue is central to this entire subject.
It will be very difficult to write about. But I will. I will not hide who I am. So you guys out there will get to see deeply into my life. I hope you enjoy the ride.
NOTE:: I am thinking “Macdonald” might be a good name. I have ancestors that were Macdonald’s. The lower case is intended.
Ramblings of an Agoraphobe 