Most of my life, I have been near the edge of insanity.  The struggles in my mind take me so very close to a complete collapse that it overwhelms my thoughts.  And things get worse sometimes.

The last few months has been a rough time, and I have not been able to hold up very well.  I have been off and on Facebook several times.  My mind has descended into darkness regularly.  There are thoughts there that I can not express here.  I know what the raged edge looks like.

Today is a particularly difficult day.  I am shaking inside, and on the verge of screaming.  I am lost.  I have to start over, and I barely have the energy to keep going.

I do not expect others to see what is going on in my internal fights.  I retreat into myself, and into my office, or bed to sleep.  I have been sleeping about 14 hours a day just to relieve the pain.  Nothing holds much interest to me, so there is nothing “fun” to do.

The struggle goes on.

I can not just make this go away.  All I can do is try to ease the stress, and keep going.  But “keep going” is a very painful way to live.  It leaves me totally alone… trying to exist in my own mind.  I have to live inside my mind all day, every day.  There is not escape.  And there has not been enough rest recently.

It is difficult to stay sane.  Struggle is my constant companion.  There is never real rest from it.

And I can not be around people… I can not hold my mind together, still get thru the things I have to do, and be social at the same time.

I fail.