Over the years, I have learned a lot about managing anxiety.  My meds are great, and make a huge difference, but they are not enough.  I at or above the max dose on 2 of them, and that is about the limit.  So I meditate, and work on physical relaxation – usually that helps.

My improving joints in my feet are making walking possible again, but I am just starting that.  I am doing what I can.

Recently, it has been more difficult.  I am not sure why.

I have not seen my psychologist in over 4 months.  I have been home every day for over 6 months.  I take care of things around here, but I am here every morning to start over.  I have not had one day off of that routine.  Except this last Saturday when I stayed in bed all day… and even then…

We canceled our last 2 vacations because of our sick kitty (it was worth it).  And there have not even been any day trips.  As my anxiety has grown more difficult to manage, it has got even harder to go out.  Right now I do not even care about going anywhere.  I just want some time to completely relax, and not have to worry about anything.  Not going to happen.

So I am trying to figure out what to do to bring my life together, and all this is going on.  I have some very complex issues to understand, and evaluate.  I have some options, and I do not want to waste a few months by making the wrong one.

There is so much anxiety, and depression that is is hard to think things thru clearly.  And every time something goes wrong, I get pushed farther back down, and it gets ever more difficult to decide anything.

I will keep trying.

What a world!