I do not know what will happen in my brain.  I think I will get better, but this Blog could record my decent into madness… not likely though.  So… not to worry…

I have been sleeping too much.  The bedroom is a sort of sanctuary for me.  It is easier to relax and let the day fade away.  But it means I am not spending much time up, and active.  I do not have much energy for it.

There are many times during the day when it is all I can do to stay awake – I want to sleep.  Everything has been getting harder, so I have to push myself more, and that uses up energy.  And the days get shorter.

I have not finally decided what to do about therapy – except that I need it.  My psychiatrist thinks I will need more meds too.  But I need to get my thoughts straightened out before we can be sure.  I only see her for meds, so I will need to find a new therapist… or try to go back to the old one.

Neither of those 2 thoughts hold much attraction. Contrary to what some people believe, my loss of my psychologist was mostly the result of a misunderstanding.  But it still hurt too much.  And maybe I should try someone else anyway.  But it is so hard to find the right person – especially now.  I know more about what works and doesn’t work for me, so I need the right person.

That search will create many new problems, and anxieties.  There will be plenty of opportunities for failure.  I may have to try more than one therapist.  I am not looking forward to that.

This is going to take months to work out, whatever I do.  The Fall is sort of set aside for it.  I can not really hope to do much else.

But I know I have to find a way to get going again, and start recovering my brain.  I can now also see that I will probably always need someone to help me sort thru things.  I think way too fast, and about too many things for my own good, and I need someone to slow me down, and keep me on track.

My friends will be there for me… though I am not good at asking for help.  Some things sound good, or fun, but just drain away too much energy.  So I pick the things I feel sure I can do, and work on them.  I am tired of letting people down, and cancelling at the last minute.  It is not fair to others.  So I tend to avoid plans with most anyone.

It does not help in the long run, but makes it easier to get thru the days.