A shadow has fallen over my thoughts, and my life.  This has been a bad year for me – though it started out with such promise.  I will not review it now… but since April things have slid steadily downhill.  Now I am about done in.

I have lived under a sort of oppression… from childhood on.  And it returned to my life last week, bringing me down into my pit of despair, and depression.  Sometimes one event can dredge up an entire history of abuse at the hand of someone who knows what’s right for everyone, and isn’t afraid to say it.

I lived in that shadow… it never quite goes away.  Even after years of being left alone, it can still drag me down.

Some people have to be superior.  And to prove they are, they have to prove others wrong.  They have to control the lives of those around them.  And they will never let you forget their dominion over you.  Never…

They have no empathy.  They feel no pity, for anything that does not belong in their world view.  They are the sole knowers of what, and who is right, and who is wrong.  And they will share their views.  Especially with people who are easy victims.  It is how they feel whole.

They are the ones who come along to rub salt in the wounds of others.  And they especially pick on those whom they perceive to be struggling with other issues.  So as I have had increasing problems in my life, it was bound to come back to haunt me.

I write about my struggles here.  I share what I am going thru.    So I make myself a target.  But I am too easy a target… I am no challenge for them.  I collapse before their hateful words.

“Hateful” is the only way to describe it.  It is not intended to inform, it is only intended to hurt – to put me in my place.

I surrender.  You win.  I can not stand up against you.  The depression swept away our anniversary weekend.  I was up only 15 hours all weekend, and ate nothing but a few chips.  You win. 

Now leave this broken soul alone, and never darken my door again.  Though I suspect you will.

And the shadow has returned.