I have had a lot of ups and downs the last week.  I am not sure why I have not written, except I have been really struggling with several issues.  The most direct is my growing slowly more depressed about problems I am dealing with at home.

There has been progress on some projects, but I am constantly dragged down by caring for sick animals – making sure they eat the right foods, and tube-feeding one cat.  But it does not stop there.  That is just how my day starts.

This whole situation with my former psychologist is eating at me more too.  I know I would find things easier if I still had session to talk about all the issues that swim thru my thoughts.  I do not have as much clarity of thought now.  I will figure out how to go forward, but for now I am still too hurt.

The main problem I am having is that I feel totally overwhelmed by everything happening, and I have nowhere to turn.  All I can do is push a little harder every day, to try to do the same things I did yesterday.  And I know tomorrow I will have to push even harder to do those same things yet again.

But every now and then, I break.  I fall apart for a while, then pull myself back together, and start going again.  It has left me feeling alone, tired, and empty. 

I have been able to fight off depression most of the time… and I am keeping my anxiety under control.  But the cost is staggering.  All I can do is keep pushing myself forward until I finally break down.