Another night full of nightmares, and restless “sleep”.  I would just stay in bed all day if I could… there is very little point in being up.

Except there are things I need to do…

At least it is clear there is more to this than just having gone out for errands Monday.  That may have started the ball rolling, but it is collecting plenty of moss now.  If I may mix a few metaphors.

The big problems I face now are all the things I really need to do today, and this weekend.  I think I will be okay if I can pull myself together, and enjoy some of the time.  That has been known to happen.

The problem gets worse when I want to get some of my things done.  I have even less motivation for those things… there is less reward to them.  So I will do what I can, and just try to get thru the day.

I know I am hurting partly because of my sudden increased aloneness… but that is what it is, and I need to just get used to it.  I do not have someone to help me thru these issues.  But that is not new.  I have got too used to having my back protected.

Okay… I have to find a way to move on.  It is not doing any good to suffer alone.  I have to find new things that will help.  I need a better attitude, and more optimism.  I need to build something.