Patience

I have been working on getting to my image of what I want, for over 40 years now.  I am closer than I have ever been.  Until 2004, I did not make much of an effort towards this goal… I could not because I did not know what was holding me back..

There have been a few times when I had some small bits of progress.  But it has only been the last few years that I have started to feel like I really can move towards the life I want.  It gets a little more complicated because the things I want, sound defeatist to some people.

I want something so very simple.

I have taken a huge detour now, and I do not know where it will lead.  I can not see the path ahead of me, and my hopes have dimmed.  Right now I feel a lot of despair, and grief.  And I am not sure how to get started again.

There is a plan I have been working on that I will continue to follow – then what?  The plan does not go very far into the future… there was so much more to develop.  And that option is gone now.

I will have to find a new way to work out how to move forward, and how to get better.  I am not optimistic.