I have been in the pits of depression for over a week… I can not find a way out.  Nothing ever really gets any better.  I am expected to be cheery, and helpful regardless of the turmoil in my brain.  There is no outlet.

I am tired of it.  Things are better than a few years ago, but there has been no real improvement over the last 3 years or so.  Why keep trying?  I am totally alone most of the time.  The only person around me does not understand, and will not listen when I try to explain where I am, and what I need.  But how could I expect anyone to?  It is so far out of the mainstream that no-one could comprehend what it’s like without having been there.

What is happening every day, every minute, in my brain requires so much energy to fight… I am just treading water.  And it will not go away.

I hold everything inside because there is no where for it to go.  My psychologist helps, but even if I saw her everyday, it would barely keep me going. 

I can not keep up the fight anymore.  I am too tired.