Monthly Archives: February 2013

And Off to the Dentist Today

This is a really bad time to have to go in for a cleaning.  But these appointments can not easily be changed.  So I am pulling myself together as best I can, and will get thru it.  The next couple of days will be for recovery.

The dentist office is in the same building, just 2 doors down from my psychologist (she just moved there last year).  So the path there is a familiar one.  That will help.  The hygienist is a very pleasant, and cheery person.  And if I am up to it, I will stop for a treat for dinner – that probably will not happen.  But these are all things I try to push to the front of my thoughts.

I have to play little mental games to keep myself going – they are very tiring.  There will be more after I get back…

I am back, and I am still alive!!

It was much more traumatic than normal… but Julie, my hygienist was very helpful with my mood, and did a great job!  But it sure was nice to get home.  I had to make a stop on the way, so I got myself some Mac n Chees to help me feel better.

I am doing as well as I could expect right now.

After Cymbalta

It was just Thursday that I felt the last remnants of Cymbalta affecting my brain.  My brain has finally stopped swimming, and I have stabilized.

The meds I am taking now – Lexapro & Bupropion – are doing a very good job at helping me maintain my balance most of the time.  I am fine on good days at home.  As long as I can stay home, and do easy things, I am fine.

But it is clear that when I have to go out, or have additional pressures at home, I need more.  My anxiety can ramp up very quickly.  I can generally manage… I know ways to tamp down on the anxiety.  But that is very draining, and leaves me too tired for much else.

In a little over 2 weeks I will see my psychiatrist again to discuss where to go next.  We may increase my Lexapro, or try something additionally… or we may try something completely different.  I don’t know.

For the next couple of weeks I will be try to find my baseline.  I am looking for how my current meds help me feel in different low-stress situation.  I know how things go when I am in high-stress situations… I know that all too well.

So I am hoping for as much down time as possible.  I need to find those areas that define the limits of help I am getting from my current meds.

Fun time.

Why Am I Trying So Hard?

A new thought has been moving thru my mind the last couple of weeks.  And I like it.  Maybe after 57 years of trying to make myself fit into this world… it is time to try making the world fit to me.

If it does not work for me… then why should it matter?  I have spent my life trying to live according to someone else’s ideal.  It is only now occurring to me that I should turn the tables and claim what I deserve.  Is that too much to ask?

I am not asking for the diminishment of anyone… I just want what I have never had in my life.  I am almost 58, and I have…  no life of my own.

The Eye of the Storm

I am feeling a little better today.  My stomach is not swirling much… my chest feels calmer, and my anxiety is only “bad” now.  Normally I would call this bad, but today I will take it!

I know this may be the eye of the storm.  Today I am completely off Cymbalta.  So there may be another round of withdrawal… I don’t know.  I may know more later today, so stay tuned.

Others have told me about it being hard to get off Cymbalta… so at least there are those out there who have been there.  It must be easier for some people than for me, and harder for others.  There is always some variation.

Mostly I am tired of feeling so low, and depressed.  But with a fruity topping of anxiety.  From what happened in my last reduction in Cymbalta, I might be feeling it within the day.

Oh well.  Life goes on, and I have to do this.  I just hope I do not fall down along the way.

Another Day Along…

I am feeling a little better physically today.  But my mood has gone into a nose-dive.  I am increasingly depressed, and my anxiety is causing me to have the jitters.

I have not eaten since Thursday.  I am not hungry.  My stomach is doing some wonderful flip-flops from time to time.  But less than yesterday.

The big problem is that this has all been because of a reduction in my Cymbalta.  Today was the last day I took any at all.  So I will be going thru this more.  I think Monday will be interesting.  At least I can get away some next weekend.

The prospect of 3 or 4 more days of this are very upsetting, but there is no way around it.  Wednesday I see my psychologist, then an hour later, I see my psychiatrist!  Isn’t it a wonderful world?

I should be feeling better by then, but all that will also be very draining.  I am not sure how this will all play out.

I Will Never Fit In

I am feeling extremely low now.  I have fallen into my own Pit, and have no way out.  it is related to the withdrawal I am going thru… at least I hope so for now.  and there will be more to come.  I have one more step to go to get completely off the Cymbalta.  So this will go on for several more days… at least.

The Lexapro is mostly for anxiety… Cymbalta is better for depression. 

My insides are swirling, and I feel physically drained.  My thoughts are mixed, and I can not concentrate for very long.

It has all brought me down into the Pit once more.  I don’t see any way out.  But it does not matter… I don’t care.

New Meds and Withdrawal

I saw my new psychiatrist last week, and she started me getting off Cymbalta and back on Lexapro.  She says the Lexapro will probably not do enough for me, but it will be better, and once I am stabilized, we can look at other meds.  Good times…

The first few days were uneventful… well… not really.  I had a lot of issues over the weekend with swirling feelings, and anxiety.  I crashed out early Sunday, and did not hold up very well overall.

The beginning of this week looked really good!  my anxiety was down, and I was feeling pretty good.  But things started changing again Tuesday evening.  I was lowering my Cymbalta dose, and Tuesday was the second time I had lowered it.  now I was feeling what I call SBS – Swimming Brain Syndrome.  When I moved around, my brain seems to be lagging behind my head.

It got worse yesterday, and I had to miss session with my psychologist.  there was no way I was going to try to drive.  Today I am a little better… but not much.

The bad thing today is that depression has set in.  (We are going to work on my depression meds later too).  now I am feeling really down, and like I want to just stay in bed.  And I still have SBS!  So I am not doing very well.  I go completely off Cymbalta Sunday, so I think things will take a while to settle down.

I had planned to go out to dinner tonight, but that is looking in doubt.  It’s hard enough to go out at all, but now I feel to upset, and depressed to even think about it.  I might feel better later, so I am waiting to see how I feel.

Anyway… I had not written for a while, so I thought I would fill you all in on where I am.  I will try to write more.