This morning I hate my life.  Why can’t I have a good night’s sleep… without nightmares, and constantly waking?  Why do I feel do alone?  Who is there for me at these times?

Why do I have to take care of things every day when I get up?  Why can’t someone take care of my needs in the morning?  Why do I have to deal with all these issues every day… all day long?  Every day is a struggle to keep some control over my thoughts, and my feeling.  I have to fight to stay up, I have to fight to sleep.  And there are no rewards at the end of the day.

There is no joy, and no feeling of accomplishment.  I have to move thru everyday knowing it will be just like all the others.  The “good” days are too few, and too far between.

I never know from one minute to the next if I will be able to stay up, or if I will be able to eat.  I just want some peace in my life… in my mind.

But it will not happen.  Everyday will be the same.  There is no escaping what I am… I am always close to falling apart… crashing into depression.  I can not escape my own thoughts.  And my own brain turns against me.  And all I can do is try to hold back the tide.