I did not go to the grocery store.

I know I am not very good at going out by myself… but I thought I could go 2 places.  I had a great amount of anxiety on the way to IKEA.  There were many times when my brain wanted to turn around and come back home.  I did make it there, but that was just the beginning.

I had a break down moment (or 5)… the anxiety gets so great, my brain tries to shut down.  Basically my brain tries to make me sleep.  I become extremely drowsy, and my eyes get hard to keep open – not a good scenario when I am driving.  But I can shake it out fairly easily.

This usually happens at home… or when I am at some place.  At IKEA I had the same experience, but it’s easier to deal with when I am walking around.  I was able to get everything I wanted there, but at times I was not so sure.

Coming home I just could not stop at the store… I could not do it.  I failed to finish my errands.  So I am feeling very down about that.  I am still feeling pressure to go to bed.  I am fighting with my own brain.  That’s just not right!

It has been harder to go out the last few months.  I am still trying to figure things out.  But there are things I have to do.  There are things I have to go out for… I need to do better!