I had session today – the first in three weeks!  I have been trying to go more than that over the last few months, but I was not too bad off before this session.

Mostly we talked about where I am with my meds, and how to handle my increased anxiety and OC behavior.  Since I am on new meds, I am waiting a few more weeks to let things settle in before deciding on taking more.  So far I think I will need it…

So I am having to go back, and relearn some of the relaxation techniques I learned 6-7 years ago.  I got out of the habit of working on those so much.  And now I am back at it.

I am now having more anxiety before I go out – anticipatory anxiety.  And it can be a real problem!  Sometimes I feel like I can’t even get out the door.  And planning can be a challenge.  I have to be careful to not push myself too much, or I will completely fall apart and not be able to go at all.

Once I do get out the door, my anxiety moves over to the normal phobia type… I have to deal with the real fear of actually being out in the world.  It gets worse or better depending on where I am going, and what I will do there.  Familiar places are not too bad – unless they are like the dentist etc. 

Currently, I am having significantly higher anxiety of both types.  It is harder to think about going out; to get ready to go out; and to actually get out the door.  And while I am out, the anxiety is worse than it has been in years.  I have generally been able to fight thru it because I have learned that it will pass, and I know I will get thru it.  That is not enough, but it helps…

So I come home more drained, and feeling flatter.  It takes a lot longer to recover.

Now I am working on resurrecting some of the techniques I learned years ago when my anxiety was uncontrolled.  Mostly I am trying to take deep breaths and relax my brain – that does involve needing to be somewhat alone, but it helps.  And I am paying more attention to planning simpler trip.

All in all, it works… but I need session to rehearse some of these relaxation methods.  And I will be bringing back more home tricks I used in the past – that will leave me more energy for going out.

It’s going to take some time… but it will work!